“If you think about it even medium-hard, launching a scared little dog into space with no intention of getting it back is a seriously fucked thing to do.”

“The saddest thing is when the toilet from an abandoned space station falls back to earth, lands upside-down on a child who was playing alone in the backyard, and smooshes them into the shape of half a hard-boiled egg. ...And when they lift the toilet off of the child, two lips at the top of the bloody mound say, on their dying breath, "I love you, mommy.”

“YOU GONNA STAND THERE WITH YOUR BUTT ON THE BACK OF YOUR BODY OR ARE YOU GONNA GET IN ON THIS, BEEF?”

“The saddest thing is a little girl who is told by her own mother and father that she will never be pretty.And then they open the front door, and on the porch is a little white suitcase, with all of her things in it.”

“The saddest thing is an old bag lady, freezing to death in the snow on Christmas Eve, and the last thing she sees is a family in a nice warm diner getting beheaded by the Taliban.”

“College is just a place where they let you pay them to tell you things you should be getting paid to learn on the job. TRUE.Don't take that teat, baby. That is a raw tittie. College is a red raw areola, and instead of milk it releases highly acidic French dressing. --"Ray's Place" 1/6/04”

“The saddest thing is a retarded man who is crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken some day.And that they'll play together in a field when it gets better.”