“What it looks like is that you’re having sex with one of my oldest friends in the linen closet of our reception hall. Unless, of course, she’s lost something in her vagina and you were gallant enough to try and fish it out for her. With your penis. If that’s the case, I suggest using a larger lure.”

“I like my freedom, and I sure as shit won’t ask your permission to cross stuff off my bucket list. I’m cranky in the morning until I’ve had my coffee, and I’m not sure I ever want kids... I’m not used to compromising or having someone to answer to or clear my schedule with. And to be honest? It scares the ever-loving shit out of me. But I want to try. If you do. Because being with you is an adventure.”

“Please tell me you’re not chastising me over my lack ofmanners right now. Because if I thought that were true, I just might getone of those stupid shrimp forks your mother insisted we have and jam itinto your eye.”

“She may have mentally relegated him to the friend zone, but the rest of her hadn’t gotten the memo”

“Maybe the way he tried to corral me my entire junior year of high school like I was some wayward cow and he was the ranch’s most enthusiastic farmhand?”

“Oh my God. I kneed him in the wiener. And oh my frigging God, it was like stone.”

“Hell, who was she kidding? The only thing that could clear her head today would be a lobotomy.”