“Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence.”

“After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.”

“Wealth can be created. Wit and intelligence can't.”

“Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.”

“Somebody once said that all people are either intelligent or stupid, and either lazy or enterprising. There are lazy idiots, usually irrelevant and innocuous; then there are the intelligent and ambitious, who can be given important tasks to perform. The greatest achievements, in all fields, are nearly always the work of those intelligent and lazy. But one thing should be kept in mind: the most dangerous category, the people who are unfailingly responsible for the most appalling disasters, the ones you have to avoid at all costs, are enterprising idiots.”

“Success, after all, loves a witness, but failure can't exist without one.”