“He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.”

“... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?”

“Your puny worm god weapons are useless against my superior Christmas Kung Fu.”

“It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.”

“Yeah, that's right, Lash. Because I'm Chinese I have a deep-seated need to nosh house pets. Now why don't you let him in before my inner Chinaman forces me to kung-fu your bitch ass.”

“[in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the Sex Fu is strong with this one.--The Chronicles of Abby Normal”

“I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”