“I try to stick to one, single rule, “If you don’t have anything to say, shut the fuck up.” I think that’s in the Bible or something.”

“All men are evil, that’s what I was talking to my father about.What did he say?Fuck ‘em.Really?Yeah.At least he answered you.I got the feeling that he thinks it’s my problem now.Makes you wonder why he didn’t burn that on one of the tablets. ‘HERE, MOSES, HERE’S THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, AND HERE’S AN EXTRA ONE THAT SAYS FUCK ‘EM.’He doesn’t sound like that.”

“There's something out on the wing.Sir I can assure you that--Fuck, there's something out on the wing.Told you.”

“This is fucking magic, she thought. This isn't some story out of one of Tommy's books. This isn't something you can experiment with in the bathroom. This is not natural, and whatever I am, it isn't natural. A vampire is magic, not science.”

“Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won't break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon.”

“My skin cleared up! I don't have a single zit." -TommyDing, ding, ding," Jody onomatopeed, signaling that Tommy had hit on the correct answer.”

“Abby: I could be a slave to your darkest desires. I can do things. Anything you want.Tommy: Well, that's terrific, because we have a lot of laundry piled up and the apartment is a wreck. Abby: Anything you desire, my lord. I can do laundry, clean, bring you small creatures to quench your thirst until I am worthy. ”