“Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!”

“Do vampyres play chess? Were there vampyre dorks? How about Barbie-like vampyre cheerleaders? Did any vampyres play in the band? Were there vampyre Emos with their guy-wearing-girl’s-pants weirdness and those awful bangs that cover half their faces? Or were they all those freaky Goth kids who didn’t like to bathe much? Was I going to turn into a Goth kid? Or worse, an Emo? I didn’t particularly like wearing black, at least not exclusively, and I wasn’t feeling a sudden and unfortunate aversion to soap and water, nor did I have an obsessive desire to change my hairstyle and wear too much eyeliner.”

“My genes, my love, are rubber bands and rope - make yourself a structure you can live inside.”

“When I saw the Twilight movies I thought being a Vampyre was so romantic. When my friends decided to be Vampyres it was so cool. We would do anything to be like Dwayne and Maria and the rest. I got what I wished for but I have no life to enjoy it with.”

“She tucked a five-dollar bill into my dress strap—like I was a stripper!”

“When you put on a clown suit and a rubber nose, nobody has any idea what you look like inside.”