“May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.”

“If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it.If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil.If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape.If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions. All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not.May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them.May you find perfection, and know it by name.”

“Yeah, that's right, Lash. Because I'm Chinese I have a deep-seated need to nosh house pets. Now why don't you let him in before my inner Chinaman forces me to kung-fu your bitch ass.”

“Josh: "What is this thing?"Gasper: "It's a Yeti. An abominable snowman."Biff: "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep?"Josh: "Not an abomination, abominable.”

“WARNINGThis is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that’s the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened upon the perfect story!”

“Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.”

“It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. . .a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.”