“Mr. Fresh sat down on the stool behind the counter and stared into the eyes of the cardboard cutout of Cher, hoping to find answers there. But the bitch was holding out.”

“Mr. Fresh looked up. "The book says if we don't do our jobs everything could go dark, become like the Underworld. I don't know what the Underworld is like, Mr. Asher, but I've caught some of the road show from there a couple of times, and I'm not interested in finding out. How 'bout you?""Maybe it's Oakland," Charlie said."What's Oakland?""The Underworld.""Oakland is not the Underworld!""The Tenderloin?" Charlie suggested.”

“My name," said Mr. Fresh."Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up."I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's Minty."Charlie completely forgot what he was worried about. "Minty? Your name is Minty Fresh?"Charlie appeared to be trying to stifle a sneeze, but then snorted an explosive laugh. Then ducked.”

“Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.”

“You bitch! You killed me! You suck!”

“Tommy had completely forgotten that he was horny. He had always been horny, and had accepted that he always would be horny. So when Jody sat down across from him and the tsunami of hormones washed over him, he was quite shocked that he had ever forgotten.”

“[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers.”