“She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body." Detective Cavuto”

“Oh my God, you're like Obnoxious and Annoying had an ass baby!”

“That's it, said Cavuto. You're too much of a nerd to be gay. I'm contacting the committee. They'll revoke your rainbow flag and you will not be permitted anywhere near the parade.”

“Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene.Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. "Do you think they mind?"The officer shook his head. "No, sir."Cavuto blew a stream of smoke at Gilbert [a dead guy]. "And him, do you think he minds?"No, sir."And you, Patrolman Jeeter, you don't mind, do you?"Jeeter cleared his throat. "Uh...no, sir."Well, good," Cavuto said. "Look, on the side of the car, Jeeter. It says 'Protect and Serve' not 'Piss and Moan.'"Yes, sir.”

“Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.”

“Ten salespeople, all young, all dressed in generic cotton casual, looked up from their conversations, spotted the money in her hand, and simultaneously stopped breathing-their brains shutting down bodily functions and rerouting the needed energy to calculate the projected commissions contained in Jody's cash. One by one they resumed breathing and marched toward her, a look of dazed hunger in their eyes: a pack of zombies from the perky, youthful version of The Night of the Living Dead. "I wear a size four and I've got a date in fifteen minutes," Jody said. "Dress me." They descended on her like an evil khaki wave.”

“...One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.”