“Splendid. I believe we've achieved a whole new level of doomed.”

“You cannot believe what you do not believe, Rumi siad. I am an Untouchable because my karma dictates it.”

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”

“They don't cover what to do with a dead hooker. That's a whole different program. Political science, I think.”

“How would I feel, he thought, If I woke up and she was making love to me? Why I believe that I would be pleasantly surprised.”

“Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.”

“If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.”