“Congratulations, you've just been promoted!”
“No idea how you figured out the riddle, but you scooped the first prize. Congratulations. You've just won a vacation to a big, relaxing place called a grave.”
“Just because you've been hurt doesn't mean you've been forbidden from happiness.”
“Congratulations. The fact that you're reading this means you've taken one giant step closer to surviving until your next birthday.”
“You do not know just what you've been forgiven.”
“You've always been a tourist here. You just didn't know it.”