“I ought to write funny books. Life is really too horribly funny, but unless one`s an outsider looking on, it`s all such a bore.”
“It`s not how old you are, it`s how you are old.”
“The funny thing was that the sisters were hardly nubile, creamy-skinned Lolitas blushing on the bough. In fact, one of them looked like she'd beaten herself with a tire iron during a smallpox-induced hallucination, and the other looked like a close-up photo of a wolf spider.”
“It's like the old pie-in-the-face routine: it stops being funny when it starts being you.”
“I try to think of something catchy to say, but there's nothing but irritation that something that was funny yo an eleven-year-old boy is still funny to a seventeen-year-old one.”