“Memoirs are noting more than literary masterbation.”
“Today I will masterbate!Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!”
“A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.”
“Literary studies were no more than a series of autopsies performed by heartless technicians. Worse than autopsies: biopsies. Vivisection. Even movies, which I love more than anything, more than life itself, they even do it with movies these days.”
“I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.”
“He was described as the literary leader of the age, but had never written a book that sold more than three thousand copies.”