“The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.”

“They've had the old clap-yo'-hands so many times it amounts to applause.”

“Now they're really amused, and burst into laughter. Someone tries a variation while still clapping hands: 'Clipped prick… clipped prick.' Whereupon they begin alternating while clapping their hands: 'Jew… Clipped prick… Jew… Clipped prick.' It seems they're no longer angry, merely having a good time. I keep bouncing in the chair and moaning as the electric shocks penetrate [....]”

“In some circles, admitting you love Top 40 radio is tantamount to bragging you gave your grandmother the clap, in church, in the front row at your aunt's funeral, but those are the circles I avoid like the plague or, for that matter, the clap.”

“My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap)I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap)My manners are mellow,I'm sweet like the Jell-o,I get the job done, yes indeed-o. (clap-clap)”

“Those of you in the cheaper seats can clap your hands, and those of you in the balcony can just rattle your jewelry.”