“Should she stick with the nice, sensitive guy who treats her well (Ben Stiller), or should she roll the dice with the frustrating boho bozo who treats her like crap (Ethan Hawk)? Winona made the kind of romantic decision most people my age would have made in 1994: She pursued a path that was difficult and depressing, and she did so because it showed the slightest potential for transcendence.”

“How could she have a kind view of the world when the people who are supposed to love her the most, treat her so badly?”

“It figured that the one man that treated her like a woman was the one that made her wish she was a man so that she could kick his ass.”

“Why should I blame her that she filled my daysWith misery, or that she would of late Have taught to ignorant men most violent ways,Or hurled the little streets upon the great, Had they but courage equal to desire?What could have made her peaceful with a mindThat nobleness made simple as a fire,With beauty like a tightened bow, a kindThat is not natural in an age like thisBeing high and solitary and most stern?Why, what could she have done, being what she is?Was there another Troy for her to burn?”

“But Fazire didn’t do exactly what she said.He did make her perfect.He made her bright and funny and very, verytalented.He made her sweet and thoughtful and very,very caring.He made her generous and kind and very, verylovingHe decided not to make her beautiful, at leastnot at first, because she should know humilityand not grow up with conceit.Though, she would become a beauty, a splendidbeauty beyond compare.Just… later.”

“Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke . . . She will need her sisterhood.”