“Ev­ery­one else I could call is dead.”

“Ev­ery phone call I get fills me with joy and ter­ror since this could be the case­work­er or the killer.”

“Something or someone lived or died so you could have this life.The mountain of the dead. They left you into the daylight.”

“Everywhere, words are mixing. Words and lyrics and dialogue are mixing in a soup that could trigger a chain reaction. Maybe acts of God are justthe right combination of media junk thrown out into the air. The wrong words collide and call up an earthquake. The way rain dances called storms,the right combination of words might call down tornadoes. Too many advertising jingles commingling could be behind global warming. Too manytelevision reruns bouncing around might cause hurricanes. Cancer. AIDS.”

“She says, "Do you have any rubbers?" I say, I thought she was barren. "Sure, I'm sterile," she says, "but I've had unprotected sex with a million guys. I could have some terrible fatal disease." I say that would only be a problem if I wanted to live a lot longer. Fertility says, " That's how I feel about my giant credit card debt." So we have sex. If you could call it that.”

“If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes.”

“A guy's calling to say he's failing algebra II.Just as a point of practice, I say, Kill yourself.A woman calls and says her kids won't behave.Without missing a beat, I tell her, Kill yourself.A man calls to say his car won't start.Kill yourself.A woman calls to ask what time the late movie starts.Kill yourself.She asks, "Isn't this 555-1327? Is this the Moorehouse CinePlex?I say, Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.”