“For the record, knowing when people are only pretending to like you isn't such a great skill to have.”

“Just for the record, knowing when people are only pretending to like you isn't such a great skill to have.”

“some soap opera, you know, real people pretending to be fake people with made-up problems being watched by real people to forget their real problems.”

“People will listen to you only when they know you're dying, otherwise they're just waiting for their turn to talk.”

“You gain power by pretending to be weak. By contrast, you make people feel strong. You save people by letting them save you.”

“Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.”

“Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead.”