“Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.”

“Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pumpuntil the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, whensomeone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, ifsomeone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the showerhead, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell.Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss.Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior.”

“The worst job in the whole world must be recycling toilet paper.”

“Every last minute of my life has been preordained and I'm sick and tired of it.How this feels is I'm just another task in God's daily planner: the Italian Renaissance penciled in for right after the Dark Ages....The Information Age is scheduled immediately after the Industrial Revolution. Then the Postmodern Era, then the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Famine. Check. Pestilence. Check. War. Check. Death. Check. And between the big events, the earthquakes and the tidal waves, God's got me squeezed in for a cameo appearance. Then maybe in thirty years, or maybe next year, God's daily planner has me finished.”

“Maybe it's just a daughter's job to piss off her mother.”

“The closest thing that comes to how the day felt is when you wipe back to front. You're on the toilet. You're not thinking, and you smear shit on the back of your hanging-down wrinkled ball skin. The more you try to wipe it clean, the skin stretches and the mess keeps getting bigger. The thin layer of shit spreads into the hair and down your thighs. That's how a day like this, how it feels to keep secret.”

“Or maybe...just maybe this whole process is our training wheels towards something bigger. If we can reflect and know our lives, we might stay awake and shape our futures.”