“My parents meant well, but the road to Hell is paved with publicity stunts.”

“The problem is, if you never weep in public... well, the public assumes you never weep.”

“To both my parents, the world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard.”

“Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.”

“What makes the earth feel like hell is our expectation that it ought to feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Hell is hell. Now, stop with the whining and caterwauling.”

“Yeah, parents will always fuck you up.”

“Parents, they'll screw you up every time.”