“Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pumpuntil the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, whensomeone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, ifsomeone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the showerhead, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell.Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss.Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior.”

“Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.”

“You must be kidding." She says, "Having the power of life and death isn't enough. Youmust wonder what other poems are in that book."Hitting me as fast as a hiccup, me resting my weight on my good foot, just staring at her, I say no.She says, "Maybe you can live forever."And I say no.And she says, "Maybe you can make anyone love you."No.And she says, "Maybe you can turn straw into gold."And I say no and turn on my heel."Maybe you could bring about world peace," she says.”

“You see, life only turns out good or bad for only a little bit. And then it turns out some other way.”

“People will listen to you only when they know you're dying, otherwise they're just waiting for their turn to talk.”

“She says, "Do you have any rubbers?" I say, I thought she was barren. "Sure, I'm sterile," she says, "but I've had unprotected sex with a million guys. I could have some terrible fatal disease." I say that would only be a problem if I wanted to live a lot longer. Fertility says, " That's how I feel about my giant credit card debt." So we have sex. If you could call it that.”

“It only takes one mistake,' the Dan Banyan guy says, 'and nothing else you ever do will matter.' With his empty hand, he takes one of my hands. His fingers feel hot, fever-hot, and pounding with his heartbeats. He turns my hand palm-up saying, 'No matter how hard you work or how smart you become, you'll always be known for that one poor choice.' He sets the blue pill on my palm, saying, 'Do that one wrong thing- and you'll be dead for the rest of your life.”