“I also turn to homeopathic remedies for the treatment of indigestion, travel sickness, insomnia and hay fever just to name a few. Homeopathy offers a safe, natural alternative that causes no side effects or drug interactions.”

“You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.”

“Everyone has something to offer.”

“Bastards have pissed me off," Reed snarled, out of breath, as he backed into the open armory door. "They hit me in the face."Lang grabbed Reed's jaw, turned his face toward him. "It's just a scratch."It's just my fucking face," Reed sputtered. "It needs to look good on a book jacket when I write my memoirs someday.”

“She didn’t look back. I remember that more than anything else. She didn’t look back. I wanted to mean more to her than that. I wanted her to turn, because I was sure she’d change her mind. And perhaps she would have, and that’s why she didn’t.From the story 'Rain Dancing”

“Carter: "Dude, I don't know why it works, it just does. [...] Just pretend you're not into 'em and then ask a question. What's the worst that could happen?"EJ makes eye contact with the smallest one, off to the side. [...]She looks up at EJ and gives him the nicest smile. He pulls the trigger and yells, "You think you're hot stuff, don't you?"What the...? Where are you going with this?"Excuse me?" she replies, kind of sweetly.EJ asks, "You think you're cool, don't you? Where did you get that shirt, the Salvation Army? What the hell is with your hair?My eyes are as big as basketballs as he fires one mean-ass question after another at her."You don't have a boyfriend, do you?" he continues.It's like he's armed with self-esteem killer."Did your parents have any kids that lived?" EJ asks.The girls starts to buckle, and tears are on the way."Are these your friends, or are they like, counselors here to observe you?" EJ shouts. [...]He asks, "Does your grandma know you borrowed her shoes?" as I drag him away. The girl is crying pretty hard, and her friends are trying to console her. [...]"Man, that didn't do very well. What do you think I did wrong?" EJ asks."Are you serious?" I ask"I was just doing what you told me to," he replies."I-I-I told you to go up to that girl and start abusing her?" I ask."You said to ask her questions and pretend I didn't like her!" he yells back."Pretend YOU'RE NOT INTO HER!" I clarify. "Not that you hate her and wish she would die! Good God, that girl thought she was gonna get a boyfriend when you walked up, not years of therapy.""Do you think I still have a shot?" he asks"NO, I don't!" I bark”

“In one way or another everything communicates. Human are the only creatures on earth, with the exception of cats, that are certain of the absolute critical nature of the message they try to convey. I have found that the only difference between the two is that cats are correct, while humans...eh...not so much. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time we are just making stuff up. And some of us have elevated it to a seriously messed up art form.”