“You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.”

“I also turn to homeopathic remedies for the treatment of indigestion, travel sickness, insomnia and hay fever just to name a few. Homeopathy offers a safe, natural alternative that causes no side effects or drug interactions.”

“Carter: "Dude, I don't know why it works, it just does. [...] Just pretend you're not into 'em and then ask a question. What's the worst that could happen?"EJ makes eye contact with the smallest one, off to the side. [...]She looks up at EJ and gives him the nicest smile. He pulls the trigger and yells, "You think you're hot stuff, don't you?"What the...? Where are you going with this?"Excuse me?" she replies, kind of sweetly.EJ asks, "You think you're cool, don't you? Where did you get that shirt, the Salvation Army? What the hell is with your hair?My eyes are as big as basketballs as he fires one mean-ass question after another at her."You don't have a boyfriend, do you?" he continues.It's like he's armed with self-esteem killer."Did your parents have any kids that lived?" EJ asks.The girls starts to buckle, and tears are on the way."Are these your friends, or are they like, counselors here to observe you?" EJ shouts. [...]He asks, "Does your grandma know you borrowed her shoes?" as I drag him away. The girl is crying pretty hard, and her friends are trying to console her. [...]"Man, that didn't do very well. What do you think I did wrong?" EJ asks."Are you serious?" I ask"I was just doing what you told me to," he replies."I-I-I told you to go up to that girl and start abusing her?" I ask."You said to ask her questions and pretend I didn't like her!" he yells back."Pretend YOU'RE NOT INTO HER!" I clarify. "Not that you hate her and wish she would die! Good God, that girl thought she was gonna get a boyfriend when you walked up, not years of therapy.""Do you think I still have a shot?" he asks"NO, I don't!" I bark”

“Ohhh, OH no you didn't!" he screams. "Nobody touches the TERRY!" Then he starts punching himself in he face. This kid really is crazy! I may not even have to fight him. He's doing it for me, and I'm winning!”

“After this, I can't resist. "Between you, me, and the rest of us, Ted, it's starting to show. You'd better work out, or getting fat off Daddy might be harder to hide.”

“You did too! You stole my bike, A-HOLE!" I yell out. Jeez, I'm like a Chatty Cathy Doll: just pull my string and I'll say, "You stole my bike, A-HOLE!”

“Gandhi once said, you are the change you want to see in the world. But I have to ask, how do you bring about the change in you? Because it stands to reason, first you have to change before you can change the world. Your beliefs have to change, because your beliefs influence your behavior and your daily interactions with others. Changing oneself is not easy. First, you have to admit that there are parts of you which need changing. Many of us do not want to admit that we are less than perfect, that we might have facets of our personality which needs change. Change is hard, so most of us give up before we start. But if things aren’t right in our lives, we need to look at what part of us we can change to make it right.”