“Breckin, this is Holder. Holder is not my boyfriend, but if I catch him trying to break the record for best first kiss with another girl, then he'll soon be my not breathing non-boyfriend.”

“Holder: "I thought Mormon's weren't allowed to have caffeine?" Breckin: "I decided to break that rule the morning I woke up gay.”

“Does not-your boyfriend realize I'm Mormon?"I nod. "It turns out, Holder doesn't have an issue with Mormons at all. He just has an issue with assholes.”

“He's my best friend. We were catching up. I just told him that I forgive him for sleeping with my dad for the last four years and that I'm sleeping with my cousin's boyfriend.”

“Well, you should have a chat with your boyfriend, clarify your desires. Hate to break the news, but, uh, he’s cheatin’ on you. Tell him I said my dog kisses better than him and he hits like a girl.”

“I opened my mouth and kissed you then, the first time all night, attacked you and surrendered completely, and let’s get out of here. I’m ready, I’m finished, let’s not break up, no, no. Take me home, my boyfriend, my love.”