“Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood. ”

“If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.”

“There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.”

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism – it's my least favorite quality, and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

“My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.”

“It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way. ”

“A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.”