“You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein Because he hates America he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French people.”

“I decided to write this piece because my internal critic told me to write it. At least I think he told me to write it. You see, he only speaks French, and I don't speak any French, so sometimes there can be a lot of confusion. In fact, all I really know about Pierre is that he loves wine, croissants, and women with hairy armpits.”

“I like to call a spade a spade in politics and in everything else. That's why the zionists and the americans...The top officials hate Saddam Hussein.The White House is lying once again. He's a liar.He's the world's number one liar.He said there were chemical weapons in Iraq, and that Iraq is connected with terrorism.Later he declared: 'We didn't find any of this in Iraq.'What I want to say is that he also declared that what Saddam Hussein says is not true...This is defamation of your president of thirty five years.”

“You know, you can always pick the lit students," he continued, grinning. "Is that so? How?" "They're the ones who walk around wearing berets and that I-know-something-you-don't expression.”

“He had learned Lesson One: Let French women tell you what they want.”

“Qui plussait, plus se tait. French, you know. The more a man knows, the less he talks.”