“What cat? Oh! MY CAT. The cat… that is mine. Oh, she’s... ” I had said it was a she, right? “She’s fine. All meowing and purring and other cat things.”

“Stop! Cats! Stop…”

“Let me get this straight… you didn’t have a cat? Did you get a cat just so that you wouldn’t have to tell me you were a virgin?”I pressed my lips together to keep them from trembling. I nodded. The look on his face was somewhere between shock and amusement. Hewas flabbergasted. That was the best word. His flabber had been thoroughly gasted.”

“I was going to be so terrible at this… the worst he’d ever had probably. And then he’d never want to see me again (and I really wanted to see him again). I’d probably be traumatized and never want to have sex again, which meant every relationship for the rest of my life would fail, and I would end up alone and miserable with nine cats and a ferret.”

“Oh, I burned it with my straightener.”“You burned your leg with your straightener? How long is your leg hair?”

“She said she wanted my best line tomorrow after the show, and now I knew what it was going to be.”

“She pulled her blonde hair back into a high ponytail, which somehow drew even more attention to her chest. "I don't mean the right guy to marry, honey. I mean the right guy to get your blood pumping. To make you turn off your analytical, judgmental, hyperactive brain and think with your body instead.""Bodies can't think.""SEE!" She said. "Analytical. Judgmental.”