“Cardboard cutouts of cheerleaders operated by arthritic monkeys would move more fluidly.”

“Mr. Fresh sat down on the stool behind the counter and stared into the eyes of the cardboard cutout of Cher, hoping to find answers there. But the bitch was holding out.”

“Arthritic toothless people who love orgasms are more likely to reproduce than are limber, toothy people who do not.”

“I don't want to hear another negative word about cheerleaders. If it weren't for cheerleaders, who would tell us when and how to be happy during athletic events? If it weren't for cheerleaders, how would America's prettiest girls get the exercise that's so vital to a healthy life?”

“Gradually, I was getting worn down. My sense of direction had evaporated by our fourth day. When south became the opposite of east, I bought a compass, but going around with a compass only made the city seem less and less real. The buildings began to look like backdrops in a photography studio, the people walking in the streets like cardboard cutouts.”

“Dan inched closer. "Are her eyelids moving?"Jonah was on his feet now, cheerleading. "Get up, babysitter! Up! Up!”