“Crap. I was hopin’ all things ugly had been raptured, but you’re still muckin’ up the planet.”“We must share the same faith, honey. ’Cause beauty checked out when you showed up.”

“Oh, really? Do you wake up heaving from bloody dreams thatpromise destruction like some crazy street guy forecasting theApocalypse? Did you slam a door in your dad’s face hours before he died?Does everyone, cops included, think you’re a pestering loon ’cause‘accident’ doesn’t sit right with you, nor the many other freakouts, likethe car that keeps showing up on your street, with someone sitting in it,doing like, nothing? No? Oh no? Didn’t think so. Life sucks for everyone.Jump or deal with it.”

“Majesty, A frozen swamp. Icicles on branches and uprooted trees. That was our crystal palace, once upon a time. I was your king and you were my queen. I promised you I’d always try to give you your desires. I meant that. And since you wanted Derek, I tried to get him for you. I tried to get Derek to see how beautiful, sweet and amazing you are, in spite of myself, in spite of my rending heart. He never saw you the way I did, and you never saw me at all. I thought maybe if I found love with someone else, I’d be rid of my feelings for you, but that empty relationship only made me long for you more. I’ve offered you the most support and devotion a person can give an unwanting heart, but all I get in return are your mocking advances, which blatantly scream and reiterate the fact that you’ll never love me. It’s been so excruciating to be around you lately. You’re always teasing me, and it kills me. That’s why I’ve been so irritable and angry. It’s inconceivable to me how you could think I’d EVER hurt you, when all I’ve been living for is to try and make you happy. Well, I’m done. Your doubt has caused me more pain than anything I’ve ever known. I always thought we’d be life-long friends, but this fairytale has no happy ending. The crystal has shattered. I can’t be your king anymore. Then again, I never really was. I’ve always been the lowly jester. And everyone knows a fool can never be with a queen. Goodbye, Alec”

“Well, you should have a chat with your boyfriend, clarify your desires. Hate to break the news, but, uh, he’s cheatin’ on you. Tell him I said my dog kisses better than him and he hits like a girl.”

“It's just one of those things, like some people don't sink when they go in the pool, some know how to throw a ball so it goes toward the person holding the mitt. I have no idea how people do those things; I'm good at schoolwork. That works out well because it frees up my time for my hobbies, like lying on the couch eating M&M's.”

“Pushing Carson back out of the door, I grabbed my jacket off the hook and shoved my feet into the great old clogs that my poor podiatrist father wants outlawed."Don't you want to change or something?" Mom called after me."She'll never change," Carson answered, and followed me down the steps.I settled myself into the passenger seat and buckled up as he back out of the driveway. "Your arches are falling?""Turns out I am deeply flawed," I admitted.”

“Do you think we're being robbed?" I whispered.He nodded gravely, then crawled over to my closet and opened it."Did you want to borrow something more formal to wear for the robbery? I'm not sure I have anything in your size.""Shh," he whispered. "Don't you at least have a tennis racket or anything?""You think they came here looking for a doubles partner?"He turned quickly and gave me a look, then whipped a Wiffle bat out of the mess."Wow," I said. "You jock-type people really are single-minded, aren't you? Uh-oh, we're being robbed. Let's play ball!""It's for a weapon," Carson whispered."You're gonna hit them with a Wiffle bat?""What else you got?""Um...A pillow""Exactly" ... "Stay behind me," he whispered."Can I just say that I never knew this about me before, but weirdly enough this whole protective he-man thing actually turns me on.""Josie.""What," I asked."Shut Up."I grabbed my pillow, just in case, so to speak, and tiptoed behind him around the mussed-up bed. "Maybe we should just hide in the closet."He turned around, rolled his eyes and kissed me. "Shh," he repeated.”