“Modern art = I could do that + Yeah, but you didn't.”

“I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.”

“I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. "Listen," she said, not unkindly, "up until now I would say that ninety-nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?"I nodded."Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!"I took the drugs.”

“I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.”

“You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry”

“People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.”

“She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy.I do have a knack for finding great women.”