“Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands. ”

“Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.”

“Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.”

“America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has ever come up with so far. Not only because we value democracy and the rights of the individual, but because we are always our own most effective voice of descent....We must never mistake disagreement between Americans on political or moral issues to be an indication of their level of patriotism. If you don't like what I say or don't agree with where I stand on certain issues, then good. I'm glad we're in America, and don't have to oppress each other over it. We're not just a nation, we're not an ethnicity. We are a dream of justice that people have had for a thousand years.”

“If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof.”

“I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.”

“Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.”