“I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars.”

“Well, everyone, welcome to Shark Week. Oh that's on CBS and there's been a lot of cutbacks, so it's just Friday night for a couple of minutes. And we don't have any sharks, just an immigrant with a puppet. Hey, but it's a start!”

“I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”

“Gillette--The best a man can get."I stared at the screen. What happened to me? I was meant to be one of those guys, vigorous and athletic and successful and, most of all, American. I was going to walk on the moon, be a movie star or a rock got or a comedian. I was going to have an amazing life and kids with Helen and die like Chaplin a thousand years from now in my Beverly Hills mansion surrounded by my adoring family, with the grieving world media standing by. Instead, I was just another show-business mediocrity. A drunk who shat his pants and ran for help. My life had been careless and selfish. Pleasure in the moment was my only thought, my solitary motivation. I had disappointed whoever had been foolish enough to love me, and left them scarred. I was a very long way from being the best a man can get.”

“I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.”

“You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.”

“Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know”