“I don’t think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh.”

“Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla-you ain't done tillthe gorilla's done.”

“If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.”

“I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. "Listen," she said, not unkindly, "up until now I would say that ninety-nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?"I nodded."Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!"I took the drugs.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.”

“I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”

“I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.”