“I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.”

“I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.”

“Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know”

“I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”

“Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.”

“I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.”