“I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important. ”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.”

“I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.”

“At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.”

“Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.”

“Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know”

“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”