“I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.”

“People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.”

“There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.”

“I don’t think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh.”

“I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”

“If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.”

“I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free! ”