“Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.”

“People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.”

“There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.”

“Harry Potter, he sends a message on Owl Mail while us poor old muggles have to make do with instantaneous emails and texting. Oh, if only we could be like you Harry Potter, with your four day owl delivery!”

“You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.”

“With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying.”

“I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.”