“You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.”

“It is important to say "sir" at these moments. And if they ever call you by your first-middle-last name, you better watch out. I'm telling you.”

“Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”

“You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... Something just a shade more friendly...""How about 'Dear Fatty'?”

“Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-”“It’s Herman Melville.”