“You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.”

“When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.”

“People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.”

“Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you're hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation.”

“Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.”

“Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012”

“My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and ... go at them.”