“Ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise.”
Quote Analysis: C.S. Lewis on Love and Fidelity
In this quote, C.S. Lewis distinguishes between being "in love" and loving someone deeply. He argues that the latter form of love is not merely a feeling, but a conscious choice that is upheld by commitment, willpower, and habit. Lewis emphasizes that this type of love can exist even when romantic feelings may fade, and it is this enduring love that allows couples to fulfill their promise of fidelity to each other.
This passage highlights the importance of selflessness, perseverance, and dedication in maintaining a strong and lasting relationship. Lewis suggests that true love goes beyond fleeting emotions and requires active effort and grace to sustain. By framing love in this way, he presents a profound understanding of love that transcends the superficial allure of being "in love."
Modern Relevance of C.S. Lewis' Quote
In this quote by C.S. Lewis, he emphasizes the difference between being "in love" and genuinely loving someone. He highlights the importance of a deep unity between partners, maintained by will and strengthened by habit rather than just fleeting feelings. This idea of lasting love being a choice and a commitment is still relevant today in the complexities of modern relationships.
Example of Usage:
In his book, C.S. Lewis beautifully articulates the distinction between being 'in love' and the enduring love that transcends romantic feelings. He highlights the importance of a deep unity in relationships that is maintained by will, habit, and grace. Lewis explains how this kind of love allows couples to stay committed to each other even during challenging times, when they may not particularly like each other.
Reflection Questions:
When contemplating C.S. Lewis' words on love beyond the initial infatuation stage, consider the following reflection questions:
- How do you differentiate between being "in love" and truly loving someone?
- In what ways can love be sustained and strengthened through will, habit, and grace?
- Have you experienced moments of not liking your partner, yet still loving them deeply? How did you navigate those emotions?
- Reflect on the concept of fidelity in relationships. How does the quieter, enduring love mentioned by Lewis contribute to maintaining that promise?
- Consider the idea of being "in love" with someone else while still loving your partner. How can you ensure that your commitment and love remain steadfast in such circumstances?
Similar quotes
“Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from "being in love" — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God... "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”
“Love... is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both parents ask, and receive, from God.”
“Love is putting another person before yourself. Love means doing what's best for the other person, no matter what it means for you. Love is always there. Time can only strengthen love. You can only love someone else if they allow you to and it applies to yourself. To be loved, you must place trust in another person.”
“That idea is strange to me. People keep on loving? People keep on loving even if you are not there in their face everyday to remind them? People keep on loving even if they no longer see you at all? People keep on loving even if they are loving someone else? Impossible: to believe you can be loved in absence when you don't even know how it feels to be loved when you are there.”
“The promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise to never have a headache or always to feel hungry.”