“When two humans have lived together for many years it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurably irritating to the other. Work on that. Bring fully into the consciousness of your patient that particular lift of his mother's eyebrows which he learned to dislike in the nursery, and let him think how much he dislikes it. Let him assume that she knows how annoying it is and does it to annoy - if you know your job he will not notice the immense improbability of the assumption. And, of course, never let him suspect that he has tones and looks which similarly annoy her. As he cannot see or hear himself, this easily managed.”
Quote Analysis
In this quote from C.S. Lewis, the demon Screwtape offers advice on how to sow discord between individuals who have been in a close relationship for a long time. By focusing on the irritating tones of voice and expressions of face that each person exhibits, the demon suggests that one can manipulate the perception of annoyance and provoke negative feelings in the other person. This manipulation of emotions and perceptions serves to distance the individuals and create tension in the relationship. Lewis highlights the power of subtle manipulations and the impact they can have on human interactions.
Modern Relevance
In this passage from C.S. Lewis' work, the idea of how small annoyances can build up over time in relationships is explored. This could be seen in modern relationships, where couples may find themselves irritated by seemingly insignificant actions or habits of their partner. It serves as a reminder to be aware of how our words and actions affect those we love, and to strive for understanding and empathy in our interactions.
Example of Usage
In his book "The Screwtape Letters", C.S. Lewis explores the dynamics of human relationships, including the subtle ways in which people can irritate each other without even realizing it. One example he gives is how long-term partners can develop tones of voice and facial expressions that are extremely annoying to each other. Lewis suggests that focusing on these irritating traits and assuming that the other person is doing it on purpose can fuel further annoyance and resentment.
Reflection Questions:
Have you ever experienced irritation towards a loved one's tones of voice or facial expressions?
Do you think it's fair to assume that someone is purposely using their tones and expressions to annoy you?
Have you ever stopped to consider if your own tones and looks might be annoying to others without you realizing it?
How do you think awareness of these dynamics could improve communication and relationships with your loved ones?
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