“Once I had asked, ‘But are you a Democrat or a Republican?” and Jonathan said, “I’m socially progressive but fiscally conservative,” and Doug Miles, a football player who also came to Sunday breakfast but only ever read the sports section and ignored everyone, lifted his head and said, “Is that like being bisexual?” Which I actually thought was funny, even though I was pretty sure Doug was a jerk.”

“So are you comin' back with me or what?"Megan lifted her head and sighed. "I have a few conditions.""Shoulda known," Doug said, rolling his eyes."First of all, I did not sign up for a truck stop bathroom," Megan said. "You guys need to start cleaning up after yourselves in there. No more blood, no more hair, no more stains that I don't even want to identify.""All right, all right," Doug said. "That it?""Hardly," Megan said. "I want a hands-off rule on all my stuff. Including my bike.""Okay...""And I want everyone to stop calling me Megan C Cups behind my back."Doug's jaw went slack as he flushed. "How did you know about that?"Megan raised her eyebrows."All right, fine.”

“Kill me, Doug. Just kill me now. Put me out of my misery.”“Christ, Kincaid, what did you say to him?” murmured Doug.“Well,” I told Doug, “I ripped on his fans and on how long it takes for his books to come out.”Doug stared at me, his expectations exceeded.“Then I said—not knowing who he was—that I’d be Seth Mortensen’s love slave in exchange for advanced copies of his books.”

“Fred: "Is that brick wall your boyfriend?"Doug: "Only in my dreams."Fred: "Oh, you too? I'm Fred."Doug: "Doug. I should mention, in all fairness though that Christy's boyfriend is my best friend. He's the brick wall you should be worried about.”

“I shook my head at him. “Unbelievable. You have no claim here,” I said, gesturing to myself. “You have no right to be upset that I’m dating Jack. You had your chance.”“I guess I’m not as okay with it as I thought I was. I don’t like seeing him with you,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if it was because Jack was a known player or if Jack was suddenly playing with me.”

“Doug returned five minutes later and shook his head. "Sorry kid. She's single, but she doesn't think you're her type. She's into the Goth and vampire scene. You're too mainstream for her." I was sipping a glass of water and nearly choked on it."That," said Peter, as soon as Doug was gone, "is what we call irony.""How is that possible?" exclaimed Cody. "I am a vampire. I should be exactly what she wants.""Yeah, but you don't look like one," I said. If Gabrielle had been a Trekkie, he might have had a shot tonight.”