“There is no shortage of well-known pirates, including: Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, Blackbeard, Blue beard, Yellowbeard, and Yellow beard with Black Roots, who surmised that, if blondes have more fun, then blond pirates must have a heck of a lot more fun.”

“Blondes are said to be more fun, but a well-caffeinated brunette is a kick-in-the-pants!”

“Pirate Captain Jim"Walk the plank," says Pirate Jim"But Captain Jim, I cannot swim.""Then you must steer us through the gale.""But Captain Jim, I cannot sail.""Then down with the galley slaves you go.""But Captain Jim, I cannot row.""Then you must be the pirate's clerk.""But Captain Jim, I cannot work.”

“Pirates?' Lara gasped. 'But we're not at sea. How can they be pirates?' Weren't pirates supposed to wear eye-patches, feather earrings and lots of black eye-liner, and say 'arrrrr' a lot? Or was that just Johnny Depp? Lara was confused.”

“She was blond as hell, wearing a lot of black.”

“Don't make fun of people who are different. Unless they have more money and influence. Then you must”