“Why can't the world be simpler, like it is for guinea pigs? They only have a few rules: Crying will get you attention. If it fits in your mouth, it's food. Scream if you don't get your share.”

“If I've learned anything in my seventeen years, it's that life isn't easy all the time. Parents get divorced, guinea pigs explode under your watch, and you can't get up the guts to talk to a girl you have a crush on.”

“I tell you to think black thoughts and you come up with that?!" the lieutenant had screamed. "Is a guinea pig bad? Do you consider a guinea pig the representation of all that is evil?"Maybe... if it's an evil guinea pig.”

“You ever watch a football game and get totally into it? Why? It's not a real battle. It's just a game somebody made up. So how can you take it seriously? Or, you ever see a movie that made your heart about jump out of your chest? Or one that made you cry? Why? It wasn't real. You ever look at a photo of food that made your mouth water? Why? You can't eat the picture.. . . . .Same thing with water towers and God. I don't have to be a believer to be serious about my religion.”

“If a potato can produce vitamin C, why can't we? Within the animal kingdom only humans and guinea pigs are unable to synthesize vitamin C in their own bodies. Why us and guinea pigs? No point asking. Nobody knows.”

“... You have me in your mouth, you don't get anybody else. Or you don't get me." - Jericho Barrons”