“And since October is coming to an end, what better time to draw Octo-Bear, the bear that is an octopus!”

“I also took a stab at drawing a Novem-Bear. I don't know what a Novem is, but I assumed it meant "balloon salesman." And the Novem-Bear has tentacles because it should.”

“Anyway, most of the chapter is Bella telling us how much pain she's in. First she's about to die because delivering Optimus Beyonce nearly killed her. And then she goes on and on about how hot and awful the vampire venom feels as it takes hold of her body.She's in agony and there's nothing she can do about it. Good! I hope it hurts.This is what you get, Bella Swan. This is what you get for being a greedy, self-centered jerk. This is what happens to people who let thousands die in Italy. This is what you get for ruining Jacob's life and ignoring your human friends because you'd rather spend time with pretty people. This is what happens to selfish brats that have no regard for their family. This is what you get for being weak and dependent. This is what you get for lying to your father. This is what you get for crying and complaining about your perfect life. This is what you get for spending pages and pages describing freaking magnets! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!I only wish the pain lasted longer than a chapter. An entire book of Bella's torture would be nice. And maybe if the book were illustrated…with Octo-Bears…I would finally sympathize with this, the least likable character in the history of novels.Bella, I do not care one tiny bit that you're in pain.”

“You can tell I don't like this book, because I drew in it. And that's better than anything else that's in this book.”

“Alice also stops in to check on Bella. Guess what? Her powers have returned and she can now see Bella's future. Guess what? Bella is going to survive! Guess what? Bella's going to be super-pretty! Guess what? I hate Alice.Did Bella decide to survive? Did she decide to be pretty? I decided to be pretty too, but that didn't make it happen. (Wearing a monkey shirt certainly helped, though.)”

“Carlisle says Siobhan's super power was the ability to do whatever the hell she wanted. I swear, that's what Carlisle says. Her super power was the ability to will something into existence. Siobhan wanted the vampire Maggie to stick around with her and Liam, and, POOF, Maggie did, all because Siobhan wanted it. Dr. Cullen theorizes that Bella has a similar power. She's not acting like a typical newborn vampire because Bella decided not to be a typical newborn vampire.That thud you heard was my brain trying to make a run for it and slamming into my skull. Also, you may hear soft weeping. I'm still crying.”

“Chapter Twenty-Four: SurpriseBetter Title: Oh My God! I Hate Everything About This Book! I Want To Kill It With Rocks! AGH!”