“I've discovered a new video game called owning my home.”

“I expect the audience to assume TV is stupid. I accept that it's my job to overcome it.”

“My cat brought me a toy. I thanked her and threw it. She sat there gave me a look that made me realize people and dogs are the crazy ones.”

“There are no normal people, there are just different kinds of weird, all of it is human and all humanity is better than everything inhuman. So I urge you to keep expressing yourself as honestly as you can, and know that the backpedals and second-guesses really aren’t necessary - they don’t hurt but they’re wasting your time - because when you are truly human, as we all are, and when that is your honest message to anyone, you are beyond reproach, there is no way to screw it up.”

“I'm always trying to gain and keep the audience's respect. I always want them to know that the show doesn't think they're stupid for watching.”

“You can't tell the audience — well, you can, but I don't like to tell the audience — that anything they're watching doesn't matter.”

“As humans, reality for us is largely based on other people's perceptions. If there's 20 bodies in your crawl space but you haven't been caught yet, you tell yourself you're still a birthday clown, and that's how you keep doing it.”