“Does the Pope love Jesus?”

“Jesus, Jeff. What happened to your head? You look like you got attacked by a beaver.”

“By the way, don’t you think shoving a light bulb up baby Jesus’ butt and plugging it in is just a little sacrilegious?”

“Does a bear shit in the woods?”

“Simon told me I should take you home and start making kits. What do you think?” Max looked down at her, love and lust glowing equally in his brilliant smile. “Max?” “What?” His tone was wary; he’d come to expect the unexpected when she used that particular tone of voice. “Will I give birth to a baby or a litter?” “Emma,” he groaned. “I mean, will we be feeding them baby formula or Kitten Chow?” “Emma!” “If they get stuck in a tree, who do we call? Does the fire department do kitten rescues anymore? This is important stuff to know, Lion-O!” “God save me.”

“He might be a vampire, hunter of the night and all-around badass, but a woman scorned was fucking scary.”

“You talked to your mother about Duncan's erectile dysfunction?" He glared down at her. "Has he considered taking your TV away?”