“Everybody has a type. I’m not trying to be mean. I’m sure you have a preference. What kind of guys do you like?” He meant to ask the question to get the focus off of him, but as she taps her fingers on the table, clearly in thought, Nick becomes absolutely intrigued with the answer. -Nick to Keely”

“Now don’t you be covering for him, Ash. (She wagged her finger at Nick.) Are you driving? (Cherise)No, Mom. I’m sitting. (Nick)”

“But it was for your own good.” – Nick“So’s the spanking I’m about to give you.” – Cherise“I’m too big to spank.” – Nick“Fine, you’re grounded until your grandkids are old.” – Cherise“Kind of hard to do. How am I supposed to have grandkids if I’m grounded?” – Nick“Precisely my point, you demon spawn. You’re never going to get off restriction.” – Cherise”

“I’m putting you in that dumpster until you say you’re going to the meeting,’ he told her. Amy started to laugh because she thought Nick wouldn’t do it, but he picked her up, put her in the dumpster and closed the lid. ‘I’m not letting you out until you say you’re coming to the meeting.’ She was banging on the side of the dumpster and shouting her head off. But it was only after she’d agreed to go to the meeting that Nick let her out. She immediately screamed, ‘KIDNAP! RAPE!’ They were still arguing as they walked into the meeting. ‘Sorry we’re late,’ Nick said. Then Amy jumped in: ‘Yeah, that’s cos Nick just tried to rape me.”

“This is your pendulum map. It’ll answer any yes or no question you ask. All you have to do is focus your mind on the question and hover the pendulum over the page. In time, you’ll be able to ask more complicated questions and it’ll spell out the answers.” – Death “Duly awesome. Will I lose my vir–Hey!” – Nick “Stop being stupid and take this seriously.” – Death “What’s wrong with asking that, anyway?” – Nick “It’s a stupid concern.” – Death “What are you? Asexual or something?” – Nick“My libido is fine, Nick. However, it takes a distant second place to my need to kill people who annoy me.” – Death”

“One of you guys is going to have to feed the vampiric lawyer some blood and it can’t be me. (Caleb)Why? You afraid of a little bite?I’m anemic. (Nick)And I’m Catholic. Doesn’t that knock me out of the running? (Nick)”