“I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
”

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
”

“I make love like farm equipment—not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can’t tell it.
”

“I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
”

“My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
”

“I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

”

“Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
”