“If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.
”

“Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.
”

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
”

“Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
”

“Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
”

“I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

”

“My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
”