“I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
”

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
”

“She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
”

“We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.
”

“Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle—and mine just got stolen.
”

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
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“We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
”